last night, in the moments my thoughts were adrift
and coasting a terrace, approaching a rift
through which i could spy several glimpses beneath
of the darkness the light from above could not reach
i spied wings of reason, herself taking flight
and upon yonder precipice saw her alight
and glared back at me one last look of dismay
as if she were the last one she thought i'd betray

so much better i said to myself
and drawing quite close to the top of the shelf
i struggled with destiny upon the ledge
and gasped when defeated he slipped off the edge
and silence contagious in moments like these
consumed me and strengthened my will to appease

the passion that sparked me one terrible night
(and shocked and persuaded my soul to ignite)

i was taught a month ago,
to bide my time and take it slow.
but then i learned just yesterday,
to rush and never waste the day.
now i'm convinced the whole day long
that all i've learned is always wrong,
and things are true that i forget,
but no one taught that to me yet.

character zero.

Troublemaker Emily


Which Emily Strange are you?
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when reality hits you, you have got to try accepting things the way they are.
you can try to change these things however the percentage of succeeding might be zliche?
still, there are the many unknown possibilites.
a twist of fate could come about though, and things could take a turn for the better.
how often do we dream of things we want, even though we are aware that these dreams are highly impossible to be fulfilled?
but still we continue to embark on this whole process of dreaming, dreaming our lives away.
upon reaching a turning point by chance, we'll perhaps then wake up to reality.
the reality is the truth which can be so hard to swallow.
if only we didn't have to deal with reality which causes complications in our life.
whatever happened to the simple life one might hanker after?
it's all so complexed, in addition to the many questions people want answers for.
one thing has struck upon me - that life isn't as simple as you think it is.
i guess the only thing is to live your life the way you want it to be.
however, i don't think its possible, not at all.
perhaps i'm too cynical towards this but anyhow, yeah.

You should be dating an Aquarius.
20 January - 18 February
Your mate is communicative, thoughtful and caring.
Though he/she can be tactless and rude and
sometimes self-interested, he/she enjoys the
intellectual experience of sex.


What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
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the day seemed pretty non existent. to some extent hallucinatory, even mystical in its own way. contributing to this was of course the weather - giving me a somewhat 'hazy' and 'damp' feeling (you probably wouldn't get what i'm trying to drive at). so the whole day just sorta drifted by briefly with no lessons, only chunks of project work to be settled. before i knew it, school had come to an end with a general paper test.
had such a weird feeling in school today, maybe people didn't really show it but i couldn't help but feel that we were all in mourning. school just didn't seem the same today, in a really really strange way. it's getting freaky...

got a lit test tomorrow on 'translations' by brian friel and the sad thing is that i don't even have my text because i haven't bought it! alright, so i don't even pay much attention in class either therefore i'm clueless bout the whole play at this moment. what am i supposed to do now? nothing. there's absolutely nothing i can do now to salvage the situation. am desperately searching for any possible source on the net to help me out, but the search results turned out futile. can already picture a panic-stricken, distraught me, rushing through the text tomorrow. damn, it sucks not to be prepared for any test. this has happened far too many times before, and it really isn't getting any better.

maybe i don't really want to know
how your garden grows
i just want to fly
lately did you ever feel the pain
in the morning rain
as it soaks you to the bone

maybe i just want to fly
i want to live i don't want to die
maybe i just want to breathe
maybe i just don't believe
maybe you're the same as me
we see things they'll never see
you and i are gonna live forever

maybe i don't really want to know
how your garden grows
i just want to fly
lately did you ever feel the pain
in the morning rain
as it soaks you to the bone

maybe i will never be
all the things that i want to be
but now is not the time to cry
now's the time to find out why
i think you're the same as me
we see things they'll never see
you and i are gonna live forever
we're gonna live forever
gonna live forever
live forever
forever

depressing news: student of catholic junior college lost her life early yesterday morning. cause of death was not made known to us and neither shall i attempt to speculate any further. when the bad news was announced to us during assembly, i'm sure many others had the same feeling as me - that of shock. it was simply inconceivable. however, it had to be the cold hard truth.
whoever thought that the annoucement made by the principal today would be so different from usual? whoever even thought that it would be associated with death, much less the death of a student of the college? as for her friends/classmates, which one of them would ever think that it was their friend who had passed away so suddenly?
although i didn't know her previously, like the rest of her family and friends, i share their grief. apparently, she was a good student and a bright future was certainly ahead of her. why does it have to be this way, that people who least deserve a fate like this usually suffer from it? perhaps God had his reasons and i'm sure he will take good care of her. rest in peace.

this definitely led me into thinking how fragile and vulnerable life can actually be, how you could be alive now, and dead the next. we should cherish the things we have now and also show our appreciation to the people we love and care for, because we'd never know when we could lose them. by then, no amount of regret would do you any good any longer. however, how many people can actually live life without regrets? perhaps only an insignificant number of minority, a very small handful? no matter how often we remind ourselves to not do anything that would cause us to regret thereafter, many times we tend to end up doing the wrong thing. was it meant to be done the wrong way then? so that we would learn from our mistakes, repent and then take the right path? still, some people refuse to learn from their mistakes and go back to their old habits.
can't say otherwise for myself either because i know that i often repeat mistakes even though i know it is wrong to do so. maybe it's all about determination and perseverance - these two factors i'm, without a doubt, lacking in. maybe it's actually all in the mind, psychologically? yeah, psychology at work, its ability to mess my mind up is often evident. anyhow, i pray that i'll be able to handle things/difficulties that come my way more rationally from now on. being too impetuous and hot-headed ain't gonna get me anywhere.
be glad to know that you are alive and well, don't wish you were better off dead because there are many people out there who wish they could do the things you do if they were well or hope to be able to continue living if they were on the verge of death.
life is short, so live it to its fullest. yes? try...

really hate coming here to start my rantings bout how much work i have to do and how i always am unable to get myself to do it how much time i waste how i procrastinate and how end up having little sleep and how i am eventually tired. hate coming here talking bout how i never spend time practising piano and how i get so terrified when i have to go for lessons how panicky i can always get how impatient i can be towards somethings and how lousy i feel sometimes. this has been going on for weeks weeks and more weeks i'm pretty tired of it why can't my life just be more organised and just what i want it to be or even anywhere near?
about to throw a whole load of complaints at whoever whatever right here just to vent my frustrations. AHHHHH.
woke up this morning and had a sudden realisation sparked off by recurring dreams. really afraid now that i might not actually be able to make it through this year, the fact that i've been failing test after test is getting to me. have no idea what to do right now but the word 'study' is persistently ringing in my mind, guess that's what everyone would ask me to do. but how am i going to go about it? i can't even keep up with the pace of school work, how am i gonna catch up and actually start studying?
this is getting bad this is really bad shit. anyone reading this might perhaps think that he is caught up in the same situation as me but everyone eventually makes it through except for me. happened in secondary three and i'm so afraid it's gonna happen again and if it really does...
should not even be thinking of this but what the hell.

some day you will find me
caught beneath the landslide
in a champagne supernova in the sky

Delirium, the youngest of The Endless, you are the
keeper of insanity, delusion and everything
else that's just plain crazy. You make about as
much sense as fish and telephone flavored ice
cream. You are truly your own person, and the
fact that your eyes don't match, your hair is
three different colors, and you have a floating
fish following you doesn't bother you any. You
have a truly unique perspective on the world,
and no one else knows what to think about it.


Which Endless are you?
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i peer down from the high deck
droplets trickling down my neck
my vision now - blurred with tears
i hear myself crying out in fear

shifting my weight from side to side
trying to put up an aimless fight
so many questions, yet minimal answers
can't take it anymore - about to burst

the pain, so excruciating
i can feel myself exploding
without a doubt in mind
now sure of what i'll eventually find

my feet no longer tremble
my mind is all so clear
standing at the edge
i look straight - far ahead

i lift my foot, down i go
into the depths of a river i flow
blood rushing to my head
before long, i am prounounced dead

my worries are gone
i am no more forlorn
the painful wounds all healed
misery i no longer feel

devoid of feelings
no more hatred towards human beings
though we parted with that last kiss
i now live in eternal bliss

suffering from a headache right now, perhaps i'm just too tired. it feels like i can just fall flat on the ground and drift off to sleep any minute. all these sleepless nights, look what they've done to me.
today, being another monotonous day wasn't any greater than usual. in fact, it didn't turn out the way i had expected it to. stayed back for detention class after school, oh how wonderful. what's this whole issue about ankle socks? it's one dumb rule that is just so inexplicable. maybe if the higher authorities could come up with a reasonable explanation, we would all adhere to this dumb rule of theirs. highly doubt they can come up with any decent explanation. at least, not for now. not like they bother explaining. no means no! period. am i supposed to listen to you? hurhurhur.
hitting the sack in a matter of minutes, can't wait.

just completed my lit tutorial, took ages. so much homework piling up day after day, it's driving me crazy. never ever got down to doing homework before. think it's time i started.. second day and it's annoying the hell outta me already. i happen to hate this. every night i rush and rush through my work and it totally sucks, arghh. if i can't finish it i'll go to school and rush and rush once more. that's the usual routine for us slackers.
i think i have math tutorial to complete by tonight too. perhaps i'll do it later.. or maybe not? procrastinating again. this is terrible, don't think i'll ever kick this habit. but then again, who doesn't procrastinate?!
realised that ever since i put up a tagboard no one ever bothers to sign the guestbook anymore. why!
fatigued. fatigued. fatigued. fatigued.

rushing through a gp essay outline for tommorow's tutorial. it'd better be fahy's lesson or all this rushing would be in vain. dammit! at least we have two breaks before the tutorial if we can't finish it up by tonight, which would probably be in my case. panicky panicky. no time for other work tonight. like i said, busy nights from today onwards for the rest of the week. -big sigh-
at this very moment someone is messaging me on icq telling him he's big monster and i totally have no idea who he is. okay wait i just found out who. silly billy.
gotta rush back to doing the outline. hate all these outlines, homework, whatever. you name it and they throw it all at you. tomorrow is gonna be a long and sucky day. to make things worse, i've got my piano lesson and guess what? i haven't touched the piano in a matter of weeks.

am extremely tired, as though i'm drained of any possible tinge of activeness. woke up so early today just to go to the istana to sell ice-cream and drinks?! got back not as early as expected either because i met up with my aunties and family to have dinner at swensen's. my little cousin dayna is back on a holiday once again! she's so adorable! but she'll be leaving on wednesday already so i don't think i'll get to see her much, owww :(
feeling very stressed out, so many things i have to complete in the next few days. worst part is, i haven't started on any. they are, namely in order:
1. copy application(1) tutorial for math
2. practise piano for tuesday's lesson (doomed!)
3. do 'othello' review questions for fahy's wed lit period
4. write out lit reviews for project work (5 of those)

that's just about everything i have to finish within the next few days. i have no idea how because i am just feeling so tired everyday and seem to have no time! somebody please help me, dang.

just finished dinner which was right after my bath which was right after i got back which was not too long ago.
made a trip to sentosa today and the scorching sun could have killed me anytime, i swear. didn't intend to stay at the beach for a long time due to the intense heat. anyhow, don't think i got any tanner! dang. then we met up with brother and some others to play badminton around evening time, hung around till about nine plus before my dad came to pick me and two others up. quite a retarded day, in a more positive sense.
attention attention. i've got to wake up at five something am tomorrow morning because i have to meet david and friends to help his uncle sell ice-cream at the istana. it's open house, or so i heard. sell ice-cream! hahahahaha come and show your support!
where is the love? lights out.

YOU BEAT OLD LADIES FOR PILLS!!!


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You are Jasmine from Aladdin!


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