exhausted, overcome by fatigue.
math tuition appears to me more like a panic-stricken crash course than actual learning.
recent tests seem to be causing more harm to me instead.
the stress is piling up.
piano lessons are the most annoying things to me at this moment.
my sister obtained a distinction for her piano exam - something i've never been able to achieve. for this i'm sure, my turn will never come.
all i can say is that i'm really drained out, but yet nothing is accomplished.
perhaps this is what they call failure.

a relatively happy day.
have no idea on how to explain why, but it just is. perhaps it's just a fairly more 'brightened up' one compared to the past few days.
cancelled tomorrow morning's tuition because i ain't quite ready for it. hope that means giving myself more time to complete whatever that's supposed to be done. big time procrastinator - that's what i am. and in times like these, it spells trouble! already i smell the stench of failure.
sometimes i really don't know what i'm doing to myself. harm? very likely.
disillusioned.
anyhow, feeling all good now! woohooo :)

dreamt a bad dream last night.
dreamt another bad dream last last night.
luckily they're entirely different in content and not some recurring dream, or i'd be so freaked out.
wonder where these dreams are actually taking me and whether they have any significance whatsoever. it's really disturbing. am not able to have a good night's rest for the past few days, being awakened at weird timings because the bad dreams have caused me to stir from my sleep.
am exceptionally irritated. hope the same thing won't happen tonight.

open up my eyes, flooded with daylight
another sleepless night turns color black and white
with all the things i've said
there is just regret, repeating in my head
hands into a fist, static in my head
now i'm sitting face to face with loneliness
what did i expect?
did i see forever in you?
i never wanted it to hurt more than it should
i hope you're satisfied i never could
time to close my eyes, forget about this mess
and try to fix this tragic loss of innocence
but how could i forget the things i have inside,
when everything is dead?
i never wanted it to hurt more than it should
i hope your satisfied, i never could
can't you see, you left me here on my own
give me one good reason why i should let go
with my hands around your neck,
who will stop me now?

had a dream of several lions roaming around in my house when i woke up this morning, startled. was desperately attempting in counting the number of those horrifying creatures invading my territory. think there were either seven/eight of them, succeeding unfailingly in scaring the shit outta me. in my dream that is. needless to say, it was a most horrible and amusing nightmare.
wonder why lions chose to appear in my dream.

congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud.


which happy bunny are you?
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?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
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You are a SCARIFICATION. Permenent (by all means)
and shocking, you stand out from all the others
with your odd sense of humor full of sarcasm.


What Kind Of Body Art/ Modification Are You?
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! You are Most Like A Ruby !
Passionate, in control - and very sexy. You tend to
be more dominant, and people long to possess your
wild nature. People find you fun, and a real live
wire.
You're most like a Ruby because people simply can't
take their eyes away from you - your bright
captivating
nature draws people to you.
Congratulations ... You're the sparkly fun gem
everybody craves.


?? Which Precious Gem Are You ??
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the joy derived
from all the
insignificant memories

the innermost thoughts
deep inside
they betray me

feel like i'm going to be knocked-out any minute now, just took some sort of pill for flu given by my mom. it's working, it really is. but somehow i don't feel like going to rest, just contented remaining like this with the, uh... indescribable feeling derived from the pill. i would say... somewhere high up there.
watched 'homerun' earlier on, great show for a local production i must say. despite how i and many people feel that local productions are not that impressive, have to agree that this is indeed one of the best. highly recommended.
watched a total of four movies in a span of one week. quite abit huh? well, this wouldn't be a fact if not for the week's break. it really is a constructive week ain't it?

what a night. feeling groggy, sickly and what's the best part? i'm suffering from a blocked nose and obviously can't inhale air into my lungs without the help of my mouth. ewww. that didn't sound too nice. of course, because it isn't nice and the feeling sucks not being able to breathe normally and have i ever mentioned that i absolutely hate to suffer from a blocked nose? if i ever had to choose between a flu or cough, i would pick the latter. with no hestitation. been something i have always decided on. flu cough, cough flu. cough, i pick you cough. though a cough isn't all that good but i prefer coughing than to be handicapped by a flu.
oh dear, was i just starting to make you feel sick? my apologies, lol. can't believe i'm down with this when school reopens tomorrow. as you know, i can't wait for monday to come can't wait to start lessons again can't wait to attend lectures can't wait to consume canteen food and of course, i can't wait to see my teachers again! wheeee. who could love school more? me... not.
seriously, who could actually feel like going back to school? the one week break has been far too seemingly short and precise. the entire week was busted and i have accomplished(in academic terms), sad to say, zilch. wallowing in self pity now(for several factors). didn't actually have to admit to myself i wasted my week, i could just go on deceiving myself. ignorance is bliss - or so they say. reckon it was all just for evaluation's sake, at least now i know where i stand.
caught 'jeepers creepers two' earlier this night with cindy, jacq, thane and weiliang. anyone who even thinks of watching it should really go ahead - a good laugh is assured by me. it's the horriest(is there such a word?) of all horrors and terroriest(now i don't think this word exists either) of all terrors :)
didn't know where to head after that but we were just plain... bored. thanks to me and my brilliant idea we ended up under some shophouses near my place, and what we came across and heard was just imazingly incredible. 'club de old place' is such a funky place to be at... not. coincidentally, we bumped into may(who lives near me) and deborah at the convenience store.
so the five of us, intrigued by what we saw decided to scamper off to somewhere else where we could find more joy to be at. the last resort - ms(where the older age group go for their weekly rewinding sessions). took a shot before leaving for home. if you're wondering if you did hear me right, yes i did say, a shot. actually, all of us only took a shot each. couldn't drink anymore due to cashflow problems and of course, the sore throat that has been perpetually creating disturbing feelings in me for the past few days. oh yes cindy, go kiss the red shirt hottie. i know you'd love to :)
should try getting some rest so this marks the end of my day.

You're goin' down! FOR DOING DRUGS!
Please rate if you liked!


What Would You Go to Jail For? (Many outcomes)
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You must like to spank or be spanked, because your
romance is remeniscent of Secretary. A truly
modern love story, it shows that you don't need
to be conventional to be normal. You're
probably the type that owns a whole lot more
leather than what's upholstering your car or
sofa. Yeah, you know what I mean.


What Romance Movie Best Represents Your Love Life?
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Which Part of a Meal Are You?Find out!

Are You Crazy??Find out!

sweat


Blood, Sweat, and Tears
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caught 'turn right, turn left' today. was supposed to be a romantic kind of thing but i think it got certain people irritated, me being one of them. it is so because the plot becomes a little too bizzare and unbelievable. how can two people have so much fate yet at the same time, no fate? shall not reveal too much for now, sparing a thought for those who haven't watched it and plan to, please do and try to get what i mean :)
there's something i would like to say today and this something is what i say everyday - i didn't study again today. swimming in the morning/noon was fun, haven't swam in ages. celeste and me spent most of the time talking in the pool though(lol) and we even brought up the subject of economics. how interestingly scary, freaky, worrying etc. however you may wish to put it, it was fun nevertheless. the both of us watched some vcds over at my aunt's place which is vacant now(heaven), felt so lazy to get my ass to town but i did anyway. met up with the usual people but this time with ailin(addition!) but we didn't get much done anyway(or was it just me?).
the pain in my throat, i'm afraid i have to say it is a sore throat and it's pretty much on it's way to killing me. i feel great.

my piano lesson went hay-wire, everything was screwed up and my teacher is pretty much very impatient with me these days. don't think i would want to go into the details, shall spare myself.
the day from five pm onwards was a much relaxed one - watched 'legally blonde two' and shopped a little. it's been a long time since i watched a movie. i notice everytime i watch movies i'll keep watching and watching for the whole week and then i'll stop watching altogether. and the whole cycle repeats itselfs. bumped into lots of people in town today, do people like going out on tuesday nights? maybe it's just today. went to a pool place with david and friends. supposed to play but ended up leaving after a short while with cindy and jacq because they didn't feel like playing! hmm made our way to mandarin hotel to visit marissa and grace, and here i am now, home sweet home.
i'm becoming like many others who list their activities for the day, dear me. this doesn't sound too appealing. bad enough adding to the fact that i didn't study at all again today. at this rate i'm going i see nothing but doom.
sense a sore throat coming up, hope it doesn't become anything more serious. the feeling is annoying and i'm feeling irritable now.

just got back from a wedding dinner we all had to attend. cousin's wedding. don't even know her personally, never had the chance to speak to her before. was just wondering how sad it can actually get when you don't even know, much less speak with your cousins, who can be considered the next closest to you after your immediate family members in terms of blood relations. ain't it so? and it just all seems so strange that we don't communicate at all. still, this dinner was made compulsory. don't get me wrong, it's definitely not because i didn't wish to attend the dinner. in fact, i was looking forward to meeting some of my cousins and getting to know them. but nah, nothing of that sort happened.
they always say that a woman looks her best and is prettiest when she's the bride, i totally agree with that. the fulfillment and look of satisfaction upon finding the perfect lifetime partner, anticipation of living in marital bliss and exhileration of attaining significant status(in each other's lives). these are all just so apparent on the newly-weds expressions, you could just decipher what's running through their minds. even though i'm not close to them at all, i still feel happy for them, for their marriage. may the newly-weds stay together forever :)
oh and guess what the bride's youngest sister(also my cousin, my age) brought her boyfriend there who is quite good-looking, pretty impressive. just have to admit that i'm a little jealous. -growl-
didn't do anything much today, popped by town for a few hours in the afternoon and met up with the usual people(you know who you are) to do... nothing. just the usual prep talks where we can go on and on and on discussing about relationships and how we used to and should now deal with them. i'm beginning to love these conversations we have, debating(or discussing) about everything under the sun. enjoying the great company of you guys :)
ugh, piano lesson tomorrow again. hell i come.

unravel me
a distant cord
on the outside is forgotten
a constant need

to get along
and the animal awakens
and all i feel is black and white

the road is long
the memory slides
to the whole of my undoing
put aside
i put away
i push it back to get through each day
and all i feel is black and white
and i'm wound up small and tight
and i don't know who i am

everybody loves you when you're easy
everybody hates when you're a bore
everyone is waiting for your entrance so
don't disappoint them

unravel me
untie this chord
the very center of our union
is caving in
i can't endure
i am the archive of our failure

and all i feel is black and white
and i'm wound up small and tight
and i don't know who i am

something was wrong with blogger yesterday so i couldn't post anything up. it appears to me that this is a very problematic domain(no offence to anyone/anything of any sort) - the umpteen times i have encountered problems with it is just becoming far too apparent.
happily went down town all set and ready to watch pirates of the carribean when BAM! all our(cindy, jacq and me) moods were spoiled and hopes dashed when all the tickets were sold out. realised how cruel life can be to us at times. plans were made to watch it today but everyone's just too tired and lazy to budge. so, plans were made for tommorow... till sadly i realised that BAM! again there's a wedding dinner to attend in the evening, leaving the afternoon unoccupied only which i'll probably be heading down town to study(try).
traumatized with all the upsetting of plans i've then decided to watch it on tuesday after doing some work outside. and BAM! once more upon realization that i've got my piano lesson scheduled at four thirty pm. guess i'll only get my ass out in the evening and watch those pirates! i so need to ease my hunger for it badly(can even say desperately).
alright just for updating's sake i'm pleased to declare that i've gotten a new handphone line. to whoever's out there, switch to getting me at my new no. yeah? hopefully it will help me go easy on all the bills, and save(hopefully) me from all the redundant nagging regarding handphones issues. not to forget the never-ending talks on why i should never make them pay for the high costs due to my insensible nature. goodbye to high bills from now on, gonna exercise control.
by the way, i've finally gotten myself a hotmail account and msn's working! you can reach me at scratchiti@hotmail.com! you must be wondering why i'm so hyped up by this whole msn thing. the one and only reason why i'm even getting it because many of my friends have been bugging me to and now we can all communicate on msn. hooray, that was seemingly retarded.
i have this feeling the upcoming week of holidays is going to be a screwed up and wasted one. then again, since when have i ever put holidays to good use and made the best out of it? gotta go back to school for so many extra lessons, doubt i'll be able to drag myself there. don't we all just love school? hur :) -claps and puts on a fake smile-
hope all these desperate attempts won't fail me.
just another of those days where i feel fatigued and terribly sick of life.
mentally, physically and emotionally worn out.

Himeko - "Princess Child"
Sponsored by www.life-blood.cjb.net


What would your Japanese name be? (female)
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ooh yeah just got back from a 'passable' night of fun, wasn't too bad at all. everything was okay cept for the fact that tha wu bar's crowd was far too 'appealing'. cindy jacq and i spent an hour there perpetually laughing and laughing at guys with weird caps and tight shirts. not to forget, the lonely looking one too sitting in his corner in a world of his own. oh and the indian working class who hangs out there. thane and weiliang came to join us soon after. too bad chippy cindy had to go back around eleven plus, so early my dearest chippy! :(
cheeky monkeys was much more entertaining and our mood obviously got better.
so here we are, in jacq's room with her fast asleep already(poor girl has to wake up at six thirty am to go for cip) and me still fast awake! actually i'm beginning to feel a little tired now -yawnyawn- but i'll be home by seven am in the morning so i'll catch some sleep when i get back later.
my eyes are in fact closing in on me. deadbeat.

>>>>cindx says:xuez's soooo vain!is my eye shadow okie?oh noo..ist too dark?does it go wif my eyes?my eyes r brown u noe

what the. my inner age is 12? is this an attempt to delibrately put me down or something? its hilarious. larry my imaginary best friend! oh wow wow. big joke.
need to go pack my stuff for the stayover at jacq's place tonight! gonna have our night of fun out somewhere later, cheekymonkeys? hmmm, yet to decide. gotta run. it's gonna be a fun-filled night! -chants to self-

My Inner Age
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just wondering if lizards were meant delibrately to be let to stay alive and crawl around the whole place?
does that explain why i don't see anyone attempting to kill/chop them up? have had the luck of witnessing sights of cockroaches being 'trampled on' - the poor creatures struggle to catch their last breaths of air, manage a couple of final movements and eventually, cease breathing. these pests are then pronounced dead. nobody cares if they exist or not. no wait a minute... i think we certainly do detest their stinking presence. these small irritable things ironically have the ability and power to scare the daylights out of us(majority?) when we are overpowering giants compared to them. however, we still shun away from these pests because we are afraid. i'm no exception. has the human race always been this cowardly?
gone abit off tangent there. as i was wondering, are lizards really meant to be 'let off'? don't usually see anybody attempting to tamper with them in any way whatsoever. really weird that we can even detect bias with regards to this kind of issue. these lizards just scamper off the wall, ceiling or any possible flat surfaces. the sight of them just irks me, rather they be something that can be destroyed like cockroaches. but no, they get the pleasure of living! not much of fighting for survival as compared to the others. horrible trash!

general paper mock today ended close to six pm, and to make matters worse, it was definitely a screw-up. as always, the usual thing. like i haven't been through this before.
supposed to meet celeste after the paper to get some presents in town, but we ended up watching a movie - a tale of two sisters, this korean horror flick. it's a really weird show which we both didn't understand because there were so many twists in the story. maybe someone could care to explain it to me? but damn, it sure was scaring the hell out of the both of us! i'm sure to start imagining things again later. shudder shudder.
have a lit essay to do which was due today but i didn't do it so it's due tomorrow morning but i'm not gonna do it so i guess it's due erm.. i don't know when? must really get down to doing it, yet it's so hard to start. i hate doing lit essays as homework or even during tutorials. think the only time when i really get down to doing essays would be during real examinations, which isn't good because i don't have enough practice resulting in poor results.

met up at holland today with ailin, cindy, jacq and thane who came to join us awhile later.
we did not accomplish much except for the incessant bitching and gossiping, which was unproductive but fun nevertheless. 'today is a bitchy day, but actually it's quite fun' - quote by cindy. yeah it was indeed quite entertaining, all that we talked about. making plans for the holidays already! which obviously included studying. ugh.. what a total bore and turn-off. but well, we have to hit the gym guys! not to forget swimming under the moonlight so that 'we can hide everything', as ailin puts it.
slept at five am last night, just couldn't get to sleep somehow. woke up quite early this morning so basically i didn't catch much sleep. best part is i'm not even the least bit tired? i like it this way because i'm not really the 'sleep alot' kind of person.
math and econs tests tomorrow, how encouraging. great way to begin the week.