the talk in school today by Mr Adam Khoo was fantabulous and i actually listened quite attentively. wow, one of the few times when i actually bother to stop and listen. impressive talk i must say, one that could challenge my attention span and succeed :)
it's getting boring to be in school now because we have nothing much to do except for project work and more project work. blocks and blocks of that, chinese lessons and breaks. that's about all that is going on in school now making it ever so interesting and appealing like never before. i'd rather they put an end to school now and just allow us to do our aural presentation on the day which we're required to.
i'm disgusted. just look up and count the number of times i've mentioned the horrible and annoying word - school. thus, some effort should be made to put a stop to this before i get peeved.

i heard you deal...

the trip was good, much much better than i thought it'd turn out. the cast of "Lady Salsa" kicked ass at the latino party on saturday night, mesmerizing the crowd with their dazzling dance moves and impressive routines. the group from Cuba brought the crowd to life instantly with their little stage performance. before that the place was dead and boredom was slowly sucking the daylights outta me.

i'm dreading tomorrow. during the trip i couldn't help but contemplate my fate after getting my results, and for those brief moments paranoid was taking over me. but right now everything's just at its max - the fear the worrying the everything single thing. geri is right, as much as we think that it doesn't matter, the more it actually matters. the more afraid we get. you might be thinking that everyone's going through this and that i'm not alone, but perhaps if you were in my shoes you'd understand. i know it deep down inside that i can't afford to give failure a second shot, yet i'm allowing it to happen again.
this might just be one of those depressing entries anyone might chance upon. but i'm talking about a genuinely depressed soul here trying to justify her actions but is sadly unsuccessful. all that struggling and the uncertainties that come with it, i'm sick of it all. then there's nothing i can do about it. i had it coming and since that's the case, i have nobody to blame but myself. entirely.
i'll just leave myself to die and fade away, life holds no meaning for me any longer. what exactly is wrong with me? does anyone actually share my grief? none it seems.

20 Questions Ask Jeeves Cannot Answer
a few queries the old duffer chokes on

01 How fast am I going?
02 What's the point?
03 Is there a God?
04 Where does the time go?
05 Are you Jeeves?
06 Could you lay out my morning suit and tell my aunts Betty and Jemimah that I will join them in the drawing room?
07 Why can't I stop crying?
08 Which witch is which?
09 Are you going out dressed like that?
10 Is there something you want to tell me?
11 Who'd have thought it?
12 Know what I mean?
13 What number am I thinking of?
14 Are we there yet?
15 Who's your daddy?
16 Why has my nan got hairy cheeks?
17 Where did I leave my car keys?
18 Isn't she lovely?
19 Where's our next round of funding going to come from?
20 What's yours?

will be heading to genting tomorrow. guess it's gonna be one night at kl and the next night at genting then home sweet home. what a short trip. wonder why my parents even want to go? perhaps it's because many of my relatives are going and i reckon it's gonna be one big huge family gathering for so-called 'bonding' purposes.
going on holidays with parents just automatically restricts you to so many things you can and should do when overseas. what can i do but complain now? still i'll have to go. there's absolutely no way they'll leave with country without me.
one half of me doesn't mind going because it'll take my mind off the results which we'll be facing in a few days time. don't want to know about the outcome, which is going to be really bad. actually, i more or less know the outcome already but i just don't want it to be an established fact to me just yet. call me an escapist or however you deem fit because i am and i honestly admit it.
the other half of me doesn't want go because this half wants to head down to SOS this friday with the girls and just have plain fun partying the night away just like last week! we've been planning about this friday already from the moment we stepped foot into SOS last friday. god, we love that place to bits! and we've been more than excited talking about it all week till poor me unfortunately has to cope with a sudden change in plans when my dad told me about the last minute trip. been looking forward to tomorrow all week and smack! in the face, i find myself kissing goodbye to all those wonderful plans. hope ya'll have fun and enjoy yourselves!(i'm sure ya'll will) :)
already contemplating monday's misery. so sure i'm bound to fail. really afraid and worried now but there's nothing i can do as what's done is done. sadly, it was all done the wrong way. there's no one to blame but myself, entirely. hate myself for doing stuff i ought to not do.
well, i'm getting sick of talking about this. i'll procrastinate my thoughts(?) and leave it till the time comes when i have to face it bravely. turning a blind eye to all these now.

life's one big beautiful mistake.

seems to me like every other person is being troubled and bothered by matters of the heart. guess its inevitable in everyone's life, no escaping from heartache. (hah)
just hope that everything will turn out fine for everyone whose experiencing any trauma of this kind. it can really be quite torturing, recklessly creating a hole in your soul. and it can too happen when you least expect it. so much for love. or hate? or perhaps they go together. love and hate.

been another yet boring day in school, what can i expect anyway? was caught in a slighty pms mood earlier on but everything's fine now. i feel alright. maybe i won't the next? well, that's pms for you. or at least, for me.

gonna take a quick dinner now and i'm off to meet thane and melvin at tanglin mall. all because of a soccer match. god knows what i'm doing for them. all because i give them a little luck :)

first aid course in school today and it happened to be a must to practise CRP on a dummy named 'Little Anne'. how interesting can this get? managed to avoid doing that though :)
really tired now. been feeling stoned for almost the whole day. some rest would do me good.
thirty three is slowly beginning to gain control of my mind in a most forceful manner. what can i do to resist these thoughts? there is obviously a huge obstacle, standing in the way most cruelly.

been a pretty funny night out :)
and now i've gotta come to terms with attending school again tommorrow. what a short weekend this seems. it's ending just when i am having so much fun. the fun is coming to an end when we step into school again just tomorrow morning. this is so dreaded by me. don't like the idea of school/restrictions/boredom. who does anyway? to those who worship and adore school, maybe you should try looking at it from a different point of view. you might see what i see. no offence. actually you know what? i don't care what you think. so why am i even saying this?
went slightly off tangent there. forgive me for i'm not in the best state of mind right now. i'm unstable, in every single way you can think of. put everything together and snap! you get the picture. the entire picture. but i don't think your picture is enough to understand the situation. so guess what? don't even bother.
rambling on about totally irrelevant and nonsensical issues and i reckon it's time i put a stop to it before i start to annoy.

The Big Five is currently the most accepted personality model in the scientific community. The Big Five emerged from the work of multiple independent scientists/researchers starting in the 1950s who using different techniques obtained similar results. Those results were that there are five distinct personality traits/dimensions. Here are your results on each dimension:


Extroversion results were moderately high which suggests you are talkative, optimistic, sociable and affectionate but possibly not very reflective.

Friendliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately good natured, trusting, and helpful.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you tend to be unreliable, lazy, careless, and unmotivated.

Emotional Stability results were moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and nervous.

Intellectualness results were moderately high which suggests you are creative, original, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Overall, you scored highest on Extroversion and lowest on Emotional Stability

an eventful last night all the way till early this morning. plans went well and did not screw up.
didn't feel the usual exhiliration. not even the slightest bit of rage in me could be detected. but its at these times when i feel so insecure and inferior - a whole lot to be exact.
realized that there are certain questions i begin to ask myself regarding certain decisions i've made before. the numerous uncertainties of what could have been and should have been. somehow, there's no attempt to correct these mistakes made before. perhaps it's better this way and less complicated?
been more than bothered by all these issues. it's pretty enough. gonna catch some shuteye, never felt this tired.

attempting to learn and gain some insightful knowledge on basic economic problems. when will ever free myself of economics, i wonder. perhaps next year.
seem to have prepared myself for the worst. shouldn't even be thinking like this but what else can i see? nothing but failure. it's worrying how my life is turning out to be and the path i'm struggling with. everything seems so un-called for at this point of time. am i that useless and worthless, am i really that failure i see?
yes i am and there is clear indication of it.
all these mindless thoughts, are they redundant? this turmoil, internal conflict.

tiring day today, you have totally no idea how tiring it was.
to begin with i woke up pretty early only to realise that the person i was meeting had not yet woken up(you know who you are) but it was made up for because i was then late when we were scheduled to meet at a later timing.
that marked the start of my tiring day, which manifested into what i would term a most wasteful and enduring afternoon. thereby now, going through a most restless evening.
the mission has sadly, failed desperately. details shall be spared.

but still i got to catch up with an old friend of mine whom we bumped into by chance. learnt alot about the life she's leading now which is seemingly entirely different from before. people's choices, taste and ideals do indeed change quite abit over time.

guess that's something everyone has to cope and deal with - change.
we're reduced to vulnerable creatures facing numerous uncertainties in life, and we don't know how to go about dealing with it. to do or not to do? to turn left or right? to choose this or that? we're faced with so many questions which we don't have any answers to. change can make or break a person just as easily he was made. i hate changes.

i'm awake so early simply because i dreamt of someplace really nice.

the weather was perfect, with purple skies and hanging clouds which did not bring rain(?). had to scamper along these meandering paths. the ground was barren, it was nothing but dried soil. wild flowers were spotted every now and then, painting a simple and carefree picture. finally arriving at the crossroads, there was a man who led me into the place where i thought was paradise. what a spectacular view! the crashing waves, the deep dark waters, the sky flashing red, etc. the slope leading to the sea was filled with soft, silky sand. mmm, delirious.

just bits i could recall. why is it we don't have the ability to remember exactly what we dreamt about? it's queer ain't it? and distasteful. aren't we even allowed to keep the memories of sensational dreams?

unfortunately, it was only a dream. after some hours of what i would probably deem as bliss, it was decided that i should wake up. there and then, i found myself face to face with reality again.

i'm going to fail the fucking promos.

can't seem to organise any of my thoughts. even simple thoughts - i'm unable to sort them out. beginning to question myself on so many issues. complicated and inexplicable. don't seem to have control over my own life any longer, confusion is slowly taking over me.
maybe god created life and it's many obstacles so that we'd all learn from our mistakes along the way. perhaps it's a form of nurturing. but mistakes which manifest into bigger mistakes seem to be the case for me. i do not seem to learn.
i have lost the ability to learn, not just from my mistakes, but everything.

school was a breeze today and i mean, breeze.
went over to zy's place together with daryl and max to get some studying done.
some work was finally done and we too had our own fair share of fun. heh heh let's all go and fly kites -winks- (private joke lol)
anyway i would like to express my heartfelt thanks to daryl and max for helping me out in math today(i suck at it), for being patient(because i couldn't sit still for long) and for encouraging us. thanks dis!
yes zy, i haven't forgotten you. thanks for being a great host today. all the food and coke :) your place is seriously a good place to study, except for the noisy grass cutters who contribute to the law of diminishing returns. hmmm is that how you apply it anyway? -laughs-
in such a 'thanking' mood :)
my memory is deteriorating drastically. was trying to sign into msn at her place today and after the 3163957th time, i finally got through. before that i was absolutely sure my password was correct but no, it turned out to be wrong. took me so long before i finally realised.
think i've lost the ability to remember stuff anymore. what's more, promos are in less than a week. like many others, i'm worried and stressed. sure i'm gonna screw up, damn. my memory's really failing me now, the most inappropriate time. this is no good.