i never seem to accomplish anything, even when i think i've put my heart and mind to it.

perhaps it's the lacking in effort. or what i've tried to strive for may have never ever been realistic from the start to begin with.

because everything is plain disappointing, i've begun to wonder if i should ever lose belief in myself. but at the back of my head there's a voice telling me to never give up. should i listen to this voice or shun away and pretentiously make it seem like it doesn't bother me?

i'm sure nobody wants to face with the fact that they've lived on only to regret something they've done. but still, it all happens cause its only human to err.

i have no idea for how long more i'll be able to hold out for and withstand the storm. the innermost conflicts in me right now are so hard to bear.


i can brave a hurricane and still be standing tall
when all the dust has settled down
but i can't take the distance

they keep running in my head, beckoning me to believe what they're trying to say. yet, i keep resisting, persistant in going the other way.
because i feel that they're not right. it's just not right of them to plant these doubts and suspicions in a mind and heart whom trusts and gives.

but why do i feel the intensity and the fear that is gradually consuming a huge part of me?
my mind may not be telling me what's right, but surely i can trust my feelings?

perhaps some things remain unsaid, and are better off if they were felt. only when you truely feel a particular feeling, it is then that you face it and try to accept it, no matter how hard it may be. you know that even if you have no desire to believe, acceptance is what you need to show.

is it always wise to follow your heart and not your head? so many questions, yet no answers.
is oblivion the only way to live and shake everything off?

oblivion can be beautiful, but it can also be horribly ugly.

the past isn't fixed if it isn't dead.
how are we supposed to preserve it?
if it lives - lives on in our memories
as we're always saying -
then it can spoil.

on a monday i am waiting
on tuesday i am fading
and by wednesday i can't sleep
when the phone rings i hear you
and the darkness is a clear view
i see you've come to rescue me

fall
with you i fall so fast
i can hardly catch my breath
i hope it lasts

ohhhh
it seems like i can finally
rest my head on something real
i like the way that feels
ohhhh
it's as if you knew me better
than i ever knew myself
i love how you can tell
all the pieces of me
pieces
pieces of me

i get moody and messy
i get restless and it's senseless
and you never seem to care
when i'm angry you listen
when you're happy it's a mission
and i won't stop till i'm there

fall
sometimes i fall so fast
well i hit that far don't crash
you're all i have

how do you know
everything i'm about to say?
am i that obvious?
and if it's written on my face
i hope it never goes away
yea

on a monday i am waiting
on tuesday i am fading
into your arms
so i can breathe

ashlee simpson - pieces of me


i love how you can tell all the pieces of me

if you're lost you can look
and you will find me
time after time
if you fall i will catch you
i'll be waiting
time after time


i wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

in approximately one and a half hours, i'll be sitting in the exam hall doing my math paper.
the one and only feeling i'm having now is that nothing but of hopelessness. a dead duck is just what i really am now.

i hate today. i hate math.